I swear to God we're like a phone bill that gets paid by someone who has to live check to check. One minute everything is fine, but all of a sudden I try to connect and get hit with a computerized voice that says “I'm sorry. The person you are trying to reach is not accepting calls at this time.” Bitch, that is not your mother fucking voicemail. I know what that sounds like. “Hey! Leave a message. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.” This is something different. This is one of the few nice things phone companies try do for their customers. They could easily say “This dumb ass bum fuck is broke as hell.” They don't though. It's almost like they're trying to cover up for you. I know what the deal is though. You forgot to pay your bill. Again. Forgetting about it once or twice is acceptable, but you have forgotten more times than I am capable of counting on both my fingers and my toes. I understand I fall at the bottom of your priority list. . . but put me in there somewhere god dammit. I'm tired of getting used as a book mark for a Stephen King novel you haven't picked up in weeks. I'm sick of getting mixed in with your letters from collection agencies and belated birthday cards you'll never open. I feel unappreciated, like that sweater your great aunt knitted you two Christmases ago. You've never used that sweater though. It's hanging somewhere in the back of your closet or folded in one of the tubs underneath your bed. Me, on the other hand? You've used me over and over again. You have used me more times than you've used your Xbox, cell phone, and car combined. I have been here through all of your bullshit lies and hurtful truths, and I have finally built up enough courage to tell you that I'm done. Fertig. Finito. Finished.

I don't believe...

I refuse to believe that everything happens for a reason. Bad things happen to good people that don't deserve them all of the time. It's not fair. I guess that's life though. It is filled with disappointment after disappointment, and that is something that is extremely hard to come to terms with. People always try to feed me that “Everything happens for a reason. It'll make you stronger. God only deals you things He thinks you can handle.” bullshit. I don't believe that for a second.

Infinity

Infinity.
It doesn't exist.
Nothing lasts.
Fuck what you heard in your math class.
Life, love, joy.
They all pass fast.
That rotated 8 is meaningless
When you lose people you can never get back.

Timing

Our timing is wrong.
Your heart's always tied up on a line I should be on.
Don't answer when I dial, you just press ignore.
Hit me with a text instead, I'm not okay with that anymore.
Put on hold for hours for the one you say you love.
You say that same thing to me, but I guess it doesn't mean as much.
To her I'll always be second best,
But at least you care enough to not completely disconnect.
Or maybe you don't, because lately you've been acting strange.
I hold on a little longer, thinking that something will change.
I'm dumb because I know it won't, it'll always be this way.
I'm dumb because I believed you when you swore you weren't the same.
Always tempted to press “end” but it'd be pointless, right?
We both know when you call me back, I'll answer and everything will be all right.

Old Grandma

You were a perfect rose.
A perfect picture in a perfect frame.
You diminished into nothingness,
Like a sidewalk chalk drawing does in the rain.


Tears were held back
As I witnessed your pain.
I told you I loved you and I'd see you tomorrow,
But tomorrow for you never came.

You're Right, I'm Ugly

If I'm not 5'5" and 130 pounds I am automatically ugly. If I don't meet your expectations, I don't deserve an opinion. My existence is a waste of space. I am a nobody. I am absolutely hideous. Perfection is beauty. I am not perfect; therefore, I am not beautiful.

If this is how you think, you should seriously consider jumping off of a cliff.

I am a little under 5'2" and well over 130 pounds, but anyone who really knows me would tell you that I'm a beautiful person. I give more than anyone in the entire world and would do anything for the people I love. I may not be the prettiest person in the world on the outside, but I have one of the biggest hearts in the world. I'm not built like a model, but who cares? I sure as hell don't.

Unfortunately we live in a society that has had a set standard of what is beautiful. Sadly we allow the media to shape our views on subjects such as this. Beauty is not determined by exterior appearance. Fuck what Merriam-Webster taught you. True beauty is what is found underneath all of the makeup, skin, and designer brands.

I Think I'll Just Stay In Bed

It's your birthday today.
I called you, sent a text,
Wrote on your Facebook wall,
And even left you a comment on MySpace.

I received no response.
No “Thank you!” was uttered.
No “I love you!” was said.

I think I'll just stay in bed.

It's your birthday today.
You would have been 18.
Now you're a picture on my wall,
A bunch of faded memories.

I miss you.
Nothing I do or say can erase these scars.
Your name is permanently tattooed on my heart.

I think I'll just stay in bed.

It's your birthday today.
I got you a card and some balloons.
I wish I had the courage
To bring them to you.

But I'm far too weak.
For now I think I'll close my lids,
And meet you in my dreams.

It's your birthday today,
And I think I'll stay in bed.