I don't believe...

I refuse to believe that everything happens for a reason. Bad things happen to good people that don't deserve them all of the time. It's not fair. I guess that's life though. It is filled with disappointment after disappointment, and that is something that is extremely hard to come to terms with. People always try to feed me that “Everything happens for a reason. It'll make you stronger. God only deals you things He thinks you can handle.” bullshit. I don't believe that for a second.

Infinity

Infinity.
It doesn't exist.
Nothing lasts.
Fuck what you heard in your math class.
Life, love, joy.
They all pass fast.
That rotated 8 is meaningless
When you lose people you can never get back.

Timing

Our timing is wrong.
Your heart's always tied up on a line I should be on.
Don't answer when I dial, you just press ignore.
Hit me with a text instead, I'm not okay with that anymore.
Put on hold for hours for the one you say you love.
You say that same thing to me, but I guess it doesn't mean as much.
To her I'll always be second best,
But at least you care enough to not completely disconnect.
Or maybe you don't, because lately you've been acting strange.
I hold on a little longer, thinking that something will change.
I'm dumb because I know it won't, it'll always be this way.
I'm dumb because I believed you when you swore you weren't the same.
Always tempted to press “end” but it'd be pointless, right?
We both know when you call me back, I'll answer and everything will be all right.

Old Grandma

You were a perfect rose.
A perfect picture in a perfect frame.
You diminished into nothingness,
Like a sidewalk chalk drawing does in the rain.


Tears were held back
As I witnessed your pain.
I told you I loved you and I'd see you tomorrow,
But tomorrow for you never came.

You're Right, I'm Ugly

If I'm not 5'5" and 130 pounds I am automatically ugly. If I don't meet your expectations, I don't deserve an opinion. My existence is a waste of space. I am a nobody. I am absolutely hideous. Perfection is beauty. I am not perfect; therefore, I am not beautiful.

If this is how you think, you should seriously consider jumping off of a cliff.

I am a little under 5'2" and well over 130 pounds, but anyone who really knows me would tell you that I'm a beautiful person. I give more than anyone in the entire world and would do anything for the people I love. I may not be the prettiest person in the world on the outside, but I have one of the biggest hearts in the world. I'm not built like a model, but who cares? I sure as hell don't.

Unfortunately we live in a society that has had a set standard of what is beautiful. Sadly we allow the media to shape our views on subjects such as this. Beauty is not determined by exterior appearance. Fuck what Merriam-Webster taught you. True beauty is what is found underneath all of the makeup, skin, and designer brands.

I Think I'll Just Stay In Bed

It's your birthday today.
I called you, sent a text,
Wrote on your Facebook wall,
And even left you a comment on MySpace.

I received no response.
No “Thank you!” was uttered.
No “I love you!” was said.

I think I'll just stay in bed.

It's your birthday today.
You would have been 18.
Now you're a picture on my wall,
A bunch of faded memories.

I miss you.
Nothing I do or say can erase these scars.
Your name is permanently tattooed on my heart.

I think I'll just stay in bed.

It's your birthday today.
I got you a card and some balloons.
I wish I had the courage
To bring them to you.

But I'm far too weak.
For now I think I'll close my lids,
And meet you in my dreams.

It's your birthday today,
And I think I'll stay in bed.

I Lost My Religion

I lost my religion
Somewhere in between my childhood friend passing
And the death of everything I thought I knew.
I lost my religion
When someone who had my trust
Wished death upon me and told me to give up.
I lost my religion
As I grew older
And realized I had the weight of the world on my shoulders the size of a boulder.
I lost my religion.
Slowly but surely.
I lost my religion
Because I got a taste of the real world entirely too early.
It wasn't just a taste though.
It was more like being force fed all of the foods I despise,
All at once.
Brussels sprouts and lima beans representing pain and agony,
And I can only eat so much of the shit before it makes me sick.
I can't take anymore.
I'm full now.
Filled with sorrow.
Some would argue I'm a lost soul,
But I don't really believe I have one of those.
I am simply lost.
And to be honest, I just want to talk to God
So I can ask Him why
I lost my religion.