Same Girl?

I was inspired to write this blog after seeing Usher and R. Kelly's Same Girl video for the hundreth time. Everytime I see it, it pisses
me off. Not only is what happened in the music video highly unlikely, it's just dumb. But it's Usher and R. Kelly, so it doesn't have to make sense. . . right?

In the music video, Usher and R. Kelly are telling each other about the girls that they're seeing. After describing them to each other, they come to the conclusion that they're seeing the same girl. . . hence the title of the song. They decide to set the girl up. Usher calls the girl, and asked her to dinner. Instead of just Usher showing up, R. Kelly shows up to. The guys thought they were making the girl, dubbed "TT" in song, look dumb. . . but out of nowhere TT's identical twin shows up. And when I say identical, I'm not just talking about genetics.

The song makes perfect sense by itself, but the video messes everything up. For starters, everything about them is the EXACT same. They are both nicknamed TT. . . which I guess would make sense if they had parents that thought naming their twins similar names is an okay thing to do. Like Taneshia and Takeshia, or Tiana and Tajuana, or. . . well, you get the picture.


Not only are they both nicknamed "TT". . .they both drive black Durangos with a license plate that says "Angel." They share a car? Okay. They both live on Peace Street. They share a house? Okay. If "TT" is making pesos as the song claims, would they really need to share a vehicle and house? Probably not. And where in the hell are they living that they would be making pesos instead of US currency?



They both love them some Waffle House. I have this is common with "TT". I love Waffle House as much as anyone else. I can't even blame her, or them. . . depending on whether you're going along with what the song says, or what the video shows.

Anyway, back to the video not making any sense. They both have identical tattoos on their ankles. They both have beauty marks on the same side of their mouths. The left side to be exact. . . which is the best side. Just thought I'd throw that out there. They went to Georgia Tech together, and both work for TBS. They're doing a little too much. I for one would be sick of my sister if we did everything together.

I'll break it down for you. R. Kelly and Usher were both seeing girls named TT that love waffle house, live on Peace Street, drive black durangos with the same license plate, have the same tattoo and beauty mark, went to the same school, and work at the same place. Sure, they can still be twins. That's fine.

The thing is, Usher calls TT and tells her to meet him for dinner. R. Kelly doesn't call TT at all, because they're trying to set her up. How would his TT know to show up at dinner?

In the song, R. Kelly and Usher are trying to make TT look stupid. At the end of the video, they're left looking stupid. . . but really, the only person that's looking stupid is the director of this video. Lil X.

He's looking like. . .

Just kidding. This is what he looks like. . .

No wonder the video turned out the way it did.

Alexis Marie

I remember waking up to a phone call on June 26, 2009 . . . and being extremely pissed about it. I answered, but my calls kept dropping because of the hotel I was at. The next thing I know, I get a text message from your mom that said this:

"Loren, Alexis got hit by a truck last night. She's bleeding internally, and there's nothing they can do about it. They've already given her two pints of bloods. It doesn't look like she's going to make it."

I was in disbelief. I thought you two were playing some type of sick prank on me to be honest. I called her back, shitty. I remember saying:

"Regina, you're joking. It's really not funny."

But it wasn't a joke. At that point I started to hyperventilate, told her I was on my way to the hospital, and hung up. I told my mom what happened and we immediately started our four hour trip back to Evansville.

The next four hours were the longest four hours of my entire life. It was a combination of praying, outburts, tears, and loud music that drowned out my screams. I blamed myself most of the way there, thinking that if I had been in town I could have given you a ride to where you needed to go. . . then you wouldn't have been in the situation you were in.

I wouldn't have gotten through that four hours and kept my right mind had it not been for three important people. My mom, Andrew, and Iman. . . and even though I'm really not close with any of them anymore it's important that they know they're appreciated for trying to help me stay positive. I couldn't give the three of them enough thanks for the hope that they gave me.

After what had seemed like days on the road, we pulled up at the hospital. I ran in the entrance, turning into one hallway after the other trying to find where you were. In front of the hospital's chapel I received a text informing me that you passed. I fell to my knees and screamed. Never in my life have I cried as much as I did that day.

I walked into the room where all of your family was, and gave your brother the biggest hug in the entire world. I quickly found Shelby. . . and we began crying in each others arms. From that point on, everything that took place in the hospital is a blur.

That night, I spent the night at your house with Bria and Abbey. Bria and I slept in your bed. . . that is the hardest and stupidest thing that I think I have ever done. I woke up the next morning looking for you, and felt like dying when I remembered that you weren't there to look for.


Alexis, I constantly think about you. I miss you more than ever. The hardest part about you being gone is knowing that even if you could come back, you wouldn't. I know that I'm selfish in saying that I wish you were still here. . . but isn't everyone a little selfish? We always had fun together, even in the most boring situations. You did a lot for me that no one else did, and I thank you for that. You were probably my truest friend. I was reading the note you wrote me in my yearbook last year and part of it says:

"I don't know what I would ever do without you, and I hope I never have to find out."

I break down every single time I read that. You never had to find out sweetie, but I did. . . and it's the hardest thing that I have ever been through in my seventeen years of life. I love you and I miss you more than anything in the whole world. I can't wait to see you someday, hopefully sooner rather than later. . . but until then, rest easy.

Alexis Marie Stewart (3.3.1993-6.26.2009)

Hip-hop vs Rap

What is the difference between hip-hop and rap?

To put as simply as KRS-One did. . . "Rap is something you do, but hip-hop is something you live." The thing is, hip-hop is so much more than a lifestyle. There is a beauty in hip-hop music that many fail to recognize because they believe that hip-hop and rap are one in the same. They aren't though.

"So what's the difference between rap and hip-hop? It's simple. It's like saying you love somebody and being IN love with somebody. Rap is just a word." -Brown Sugar

Hip-hop actually tells a story.

Hip-hop artist don't care about selling a million units the first week. They aren't about club bangers or radio play. They don't care about fortune and fame.

Hip-hop artists have a message that they want to get across. That's what makes them so respectable. You will NEVER see true hip-hop artists sell out.

Rap on the other hand is completely different. Rap artists are all about the money, the drugs, and the hoes. Most of the time that's what they're talking about in their music. And if they aren't talking about one of those things, guaranteed they're rapping about a ridiculous dance they made up.

Take the beat from your favorite Flocka, Gucci, or OJ Da Juiceman song and I guarantee you that you couldn't read that like a poem. I promise it wouldn't speak to you like Common's Retrospect For Life would.

Earlier as I was tweeting I made the mistake of putting Lil Wayne in the same category as Flocka, Jeezy, and OJ. . . and I admit that I was wrong for that. Lil Wayne does have some decent stuff. Drop The World is a dope hip-hop song, I must admit. However, Lil Wayne falls under the rap category in my book. Try reading a majority of Lil Wayne's lyrics without the beats. Most of them don't make sense. . . and even if they do, are they telling a story? No, they aren't.

Take lyrics from A Milli for example:

"I'm a millionaire, I'm a young money millionaire. Tougher than Nigerian hair. My criteria compared to your career just isn't fair. I'm a venereal disease, like a menstrual bleed. . ."

If that is what you want to call hip-hop after reading this, you must not have been reading close enough.

Hip-hop is not Soulja Boy. It's not Gucci Mane. It's not Lil Wayne.

Hip-hop is Nas. Hip-hop is Common. Lupe. Talib Kweli. Andre 3000. Eminem. KRS-One. Immortal Technique.

Hip-hop is a story. Hip-hop is beauty. Hip-hop is life.

Risk

Why fight for something that you could possibly lose?

Someone asked me this question today, and I think that I gave him a pretty good response.

The first thing I thought was "Why not?" but knew that wasn't a good enough answer for his stubborn butt, so I elaborated. If you don't fight, you automatically lose that thing (or person in this case) that you desire. It's not guaranteed that you're going to lose if you try, but it is guaranteed if you don't try.

The problem we tend to have is that once there is a possibility that we may fail, we give up. We tend to have a "What's the point?" type of attitude. . . which will get you no where FAST, if you haven't discovered that already.

It is vital that we risk in order to gain (even though sometimes we may lose), because by not risking we risk even more. Risk is something that many fear. That's why it is important to be courageous. Risk in order to flourish. . . and even if you don't benefit the first time around, eventually you will. I promise.

My man Andre Gide once said "Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore."

Next time you find yourself reluctant to do something, remember this quote. Remember to be courageous. Remember to risk.

It will be worth it.

Thank You

So, I wrote this a little over a year ago. I decided that it was more of a thank you note, rather than a poem. Either way, it's me. . . doing what I do best. Writing.

To my father who walked out when I was 5 years old, thank you. . . for coming back. If it weren't for you, I would be just like her. . .

And ever since I was a little girl, that has been my biggest fear.

She always cussed me out, told me I was no good, and fed me this bullshit about how I wasn't going to make it in this world.

And I heard it so many times that I started believing it.

At one point I remember thinking to myself "If this is what it will take for her to stop all this, then I'm all for it."

So here I am, 7 years old. . . ode to the future me:

Dropping out of high school, having 2 kids, food stamps, and a job that makes me less than $15,000 a year.

The person that she is, is the EXACT person I refuse to become.

Thank you for waking me up, and helping me realize that I have potential. . .
For telling me that as soon as I can, I need to get out of this town, because if I stay here I'll be settling. . . and I'm too good to settle.

I refuse to be like the rest of my family.

I refuse to break my back and get absolutely nothing in return.

Thank you for helping me realize that I should worry about myself, and no one else. . . because in that search to help others, I will lose myself.

Cheating

Why be in a relationship if you're going to cheat?

This is a question that I have asked too many times to count. . . and the answer is always the same. It's always "Because it's easy" or "I don't know" or even "Because my significant other won't leave me".

It's a shame that we have gotten to the point where cheating is an expected part of the relationships we're in. And the only thing worse is that a majority of people who are cheated on, remain with their partners. Wake up and realize this:

You are being cheated on because you allow yourself to be.

Put your foot down! If you don't, you will continue to get walked all over.

While I'm on the subject of cheating, here's a little something else. . .

G I R L S . . . you need to realize something. Just because a guy cheats with you, doesn't mean he will leave his girl for you. Don't think that you're bigger and better than his girl, because you aren't. If you were, he wouldn't be with his girl. . . he would be with you. There's something about her that's keeping him with her, even if he is cheating. . . at the end of the day he ALWAYS goes back to her. Remember that the next time you start to bash his girl.

If a guy does leave his girl for you, don't forget this:

If he cheats WITH you, he'll cheat ON you.

If you're going to hoe around, don't hoe around while you're in a relationship. . . and don't hoe around with someone who is in a relationship.

Happiness

It's crazy how in our desperate attempts to fill a void that someone else caused by walking out of our lives, we lose ourselves. . .

At least, I know that I did. We turn to sex, drugs, or (pick your poison) in search of this happiness that in all honesty, we can only find from within. The reason why so many of us aren't happy isn't solely because we're with someone we should have let go a long time ago. . . or solely because our "friends" are shady. The real reason we aren't happy is because we've lost ourselves.

That void that I mentioned above shouldn't be filled by another human being, but instead with yourself and what you're passionate about. Fill it with poetry, fill it with music, fill it with your higher power.

Remember not to be foolish and fill it with a person who can walk out of your life, just as easily as they walked in. As soon as another person completes you, or makes you happy. . . you're in trouble. From that point on they have total control over your emotions. Yes, they can make you happy; however, because of this they can also make you other emotions. Angry, envious, depressed, suicidal. You name it.

In order to be happy, you must search from within. Then, and only then, can you truly live a life filled with joy.

Love

I have seen nearly everyone around me claim that they "love" their significant other, but when I ask them what the word means to them. . . they're hesitant. It's sad that this word has been watered down throughout time. I hear people say that they love music, they love food, and they love ponies. . . but they don't. The feeling of love is different than having a passion, and that is something that people fail to realize.

One of the definitions that Merriam-Webster's Online dictionary gives it is this:

attraction based on sexual desire

As much as I hate to admit it, it seems like that's how most people think nowadays. Having sex shouldn't make you LOVE someone, because it's so much more than that.

The P E R F E C T definition of love comes from 1 Corinthians 13:

Love is patient and kind; it does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love does not end. . .

It is absolutely impossible to love material things. Yes, you may be infatuated. . . you may have a passion, but neither of those equal love.

You love people. But remember that you don't love everyone, so it's best not to throw the word around like a baseball.

I'm a blogger now?

I tweeted a few months ago about making a blog, and I thought that Summer Break would be the perfect opportunity. So here I am, creating this blog. . . and I have absolutely no idea what to talk about. I'll probably do most of my blogging about music, love, and Alexis. In no way does that mean that's what I'm limiting myself to; however, that's what I'm about. Without those things, my God, and poetry. . . I am nothing.